Everything was all well and fun. You all share the same rants, the same hopes, you laugh together, you hate things together. Then suddenly the big boss is looking for a new senior designer. you were all tested then finally one of you were chosen. And obviously its not you.
As a friend its all support and stuff. But eventually things get a little awkward.
I'm in the position right now. And its not that good.
Honestly, not out of bitterness or something. I cannot treat her and is not very truly comfortable as her being my boss. I mean, I want to learn things from my boss, not learn things with my boss. The experience she has is no difference than what I have. I respect her as my leader no doubt about it. She cannot boss me around. (im saying this with no grudge at all, i wat to be clear about it.. hehe).
Unlike before the environment in the office was steady and fun, and right now its like everyday, everyone needs to be toxic as she is. Because she is being stressed out by forces that only she can understand. Giving the negative energy back to us. Its like everything that's happening is all our fault. Everyday the awkwardness feeling increases, the obligation of working worsen. The big deal is, the one whose making it feel worse is someone you should be sharing the same feelings with. Then suddenly I have the fear that if she see's me not working as hard as her or I cannot work harder pass what she can do, she'll eat me alive.
I don't want to end up saying to her "sorry i cannot work with you anymore, its not comfortable anymore, i'd rather save the friendship than stay here and work for you."
The thing that I don't understand at all, does being head or boss comes with the attitude like Cruela devil? or the devil wears Prada kind of thing?
I am not in the position to judge or criticize her. As a friend I'll always be a constant reminder that "hey you're not your self anymore." But I hope I won't be fed up with it and say "sorry I need to give up now"
Funny when the big boss announced who the big "winner" is, and she started crying telling us she don't want the position but she cannot do anything about it, I encouraged her but then told her a premonition I had even before the big boss came looking for a new senior designer, "that i'm afraid that if there would become a big boss of her own field someday, she will be like a nightmare, like no one has the right to be less busy than she is."
And I'm afraid its coming true.
